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Cuban
Humor
Cuban Diseases
Here
are some Cuban diseases, have you had any of the following?
Destemplanza: Mysterious body temperature, not
high enough to be considered fever, but serious enough to miss school
and work, Illness is unknown by the American Medical Association
and understood only by doctors of Cuban origin.
Patatú: Attack of obscure origin that can strike
at any time. Could be serious enough to require hospitalization,
yet is undetected by medical technology. Victims tend to be males
and females over the age of 50 years.
Sirimba: Attack with similar symptoms as the Patatu's
but not as serious and with shorter duration. Can be alleviated
by lying on a bed with a wash cloth soaked in alcohol on the forehead.
Aire: Common malady resulting from going outside
without proper attire. Can occur both winter and summer. Could lead
to what is nationally known as a "cold" or "flu", and its origin
is not term related.
Sereno: Occurs when someone steps outdoors suddenly
at night and is sprinkled by a mysterious substance. There are no
physical symptoms and can only be detected by the Cuban elderly.
The effects of having this disease are unknown: children must not
be taken out at night without proper head gear otherwise risk of
contamination is certain.
Empacho: Digestive disorder which occurs after
the consumption of a large
Cuban meal, (i.e. Nochebuena). The only know cure for this disease
is "Sal de Fruta ENO", (Alka-Seltzer is completely ineffective).
This is an old one, but it's still funny!
Mollera: Soft cranial spot found on new born babies
of Cuban origin. Much more sensitive than that of an American. The
slightest touch to that area can lead to irreparable brain damage.
Enfriamiento: of body temperature and slowed metabolism
caused by emotional episodes.
Chichón: Elevated cranial protrusion usually caused
by the fall after a Sirimba or Patatu.
Chochera: Symptom affecting all Cuban Senior Citizens
( in different degrees). Characteristics include all around crabbiness,
irritation, indecent behavior and obscene verbal abuse.
Best treatment: direct shove to the nearest Nursing Home.
Muñeca Abierta: (Open Doll): Dislocation of the
wrist. Unknown cause, other than the most documented cases occurs
after an unsuccessful attempt to open a jar of "aceitunas".
Cuerpo Cortado: (Cut Body): Very similar to the
"Aire" but with more severe symptoms which require staying at home
from work or school. The closest word to describe this sickness
when explaining to the boss or teacher is a cold "fever", no cold-like
symptoms have yet started, which can be best described as the "cold"
prior to the "cold".
Tucu-Tucu:
- A type of coronary
dysfunction causing symptoms not unlike those of cardiac arrest,
which if left untreated can escalate to more severe conditions normally
associated with a "sirimba" or "patatú".
The consumption of an age-old favorite Cuban beverage known as,
"ponche" has been known to precipitate this condition,
particularly when ingested in the late hours of the evening. The
symptoms of a, "Tucu-Tucu" can, however, be greatly alleviated
by ingesting copious amounts of either, "cosimiento de tilo",
or "cosimiento de manzanilla".
Una Cosa: - This
is somewhat of a catch-all phrase used to describe a wide variety
of conditions that may befall a patient, and its symptoms are difficult
to quantify. This condition usually manifests itself in young females
and is generally associated with, "coqueteria". This condition
is usually a result of shocking news and the severity of the symptoms
has been known to have a degree of proportion more or less equivalent
to the number of people present to witness the event. If the affected
female's boyfriend happens to be present at the time of the event,
then the gravity of the symptoms is usually disproportionately augmented.
The young female in questions usually recovers rapidly, however,
when the boyfriend either fails to be impressed, or threatens to
leave the scene with such parting comments as, "¡si no
paras de comer mierda, me voy!"
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